Eponine's Soliloquy
by burned-wings
Summary: Yes, another romantic Eponine's Fantasy story. Just give it a shot. !Emo Alert!... If it sucks, for god's sake, don't rub it it my face!


I ran out again last night. I don't really know what set me off this time. Papa was counting money, Azelma was crying in the corner, and Mama was screaming at her for something, I don't even know what. I was sitting here writing, and then I looked up, and it all just hit me. I saw my mother's bright red, furious face, and her throbbing veins, my poor sister, sitting there with her little bandaged hand. It was pitiful. And then there was my father, not even looking up, counting coins, like he either didn't know of didn't care that his life was in chaos and his family was tearing itself apart. I've been trying to shut it all out for weeks now, I guess, but there was just no way I could be deaf to all the screaming and sobbing and ignorance in that moment. All of a sudden everything came flooding back to me. I hated my father, my family, my life. I hated our "home" and all the bourgeoisie that stare at my torn dress in the streets. I hated the Jondrettes, and my father's stupid thugs. It was like getting slapped with reality, and I couldn't handle it, so I grabbed my (empty) change purse and just ran outside, as far away as possible from my hell-home.

I didn't get very far, of course, because I had run outside in the freezing rain. I ran out of breath before I got even a half mile away, and I decided to walk along the stream and play pretend, like I did when I was little. I wanted to forget my home, our lies, my name, and our miserable lives.

I pretended that I was on a midnight stroll with Marius. We talked about everything, from life to love to the stray cats that roam the streets sometimes. He made me smile. He made me laugh. Then, when we reached the clearing, he kissed me beneath the full moon.

I sound insane. I know it, but I love those pretends. I need them. Sometimes I feel like they're all I have, and like they're more real than my regular life. When I'm pretending Marius is near me, sometimes I can almost see him. I can almost feel him at my side.

There was some rustling behind me. A hand grabbed my shoulder, and something hard hit my head, and then everything went black. The next thing I remember is the rain on my face, and a voice calling my name.

"'Ponine? 'Ponine, can you hear me? Your lips are blue… 'Ponine, wake up!"

I willed my eyes to open, and what I saw nearly made my heart stop. Marius was standing over me. I wasn't pretending this time; I could really see him there!

"You're alive," he breathed, "You scared me, what happened to you?"

I had to struggle to make sense of what he was saying. My head hurt, and my whole body was numb with cold. I don't remember if I answered him, but he reached out a hand to help me up, and as I pulled myself upright, the whole world began to spin furiously.

"Careful," Marius's hand behind my back kept me from landing right back where I had started. I steadied myself and finally managed to focus my vision enough to see that he was soaking wet, and he looked worried.

"What?" Instantly I felt horrible and ungrateful. "I mean, thank you." I corrected myself in a whisper.

He smiled. "You're welcome. Are you alright to walk?"

I nodded, entirely speechless, and we made our way toward the main road.

"Why were you out here so late at night? You're not as tough as you think you are, 'Ponine, you've got to be more careful. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking. That's the reason I came out here, actually. I, uh, needed to clear my head."

"I know what you mean. I came out clear my head too. It's not always easy, is it?"

"No, it's not."

We continued to chat as we made our way up the street. It was still pouring, and by the time we reached so-called "civilization," my head was pounding, and I was so cold and tired that I could barely stand up straight. Marius must have noticed me shivering, because he put his arm around me (!), and said, "Sorry, I'd give you my coat, but I doubt I would be very useful. There's a tavern right up the road over there. We can warm up."

I shoved my hands in my pockets in a futile attempt to keep warm, and I noticed that they were empty. My change purse was gone. I should've known better.

We plodded up the hill, made it to the tavern, and I collapsed in a heap in front of the fire. Marius sat beside me as we tried to melt away our chills.

For those few minutes, I might as well have been in heaven. There was light and warmth, and most of all there was Marius. We didn't speak, but as we began to dry off, he held me to keep me warm. I thought my heart would burst.

I don't know if it was minutes or hours later, but just as I was falling asleep in his arms, he whispered to me.

"'Ponine, let's watch the sun rise."

I love sunrises and sunsets. I don't know how he knew that.

I ambled sleepily outside and rested my head on his shoulder as the sky turned from indigo to purple to pink to orange, and finally to pale blue. And then I knew it was over.

In the garish light of day, life is different. You can't turn from reality and hide in the shadows and pretend. I knew it, and I could tell from Marius's face that he knew it too.

Silently, he walked me back to my unfortunate home. As I turned to close the squeaky door behind me, he gave me a weak but warm smile and said,

"Goodbye, 'Ponine, until we meet again."

And that was it.

I feel so strange now. I want to cry, but whether from joy or sadness, I don't know. I had my moment with Marius, but it's gone. I'll never get it back. That's the funny thing about time. It's always going forward, and you can never make it wait or stop or go back, not even for a fraction of a second. I'll never be able to go back to my night with Marius. All I have now is a single memory of a beautiful night, and I'll forever feel my love in the sunrise.


End file.
